A few I came up with today.
Dear Mother Nature,
Please make the weather go half and half tomorrow, i.e. sunny for the start of our game and instadownpour during it. I don't want indoor practice or numb hands, but I also don't want the freshmen to think I'm crazy for saying it always rains when we play this team if it doesn't.
Dear whoever attacked that Giants fan at the Dodgers season opener last week,
Seriously, what the hell? The guy is in a coma with serious brain damage because you can't handle someone else liking the other team. I hope you get hit by a bus, revived and thrown in jail.
That's cute and all that now you're worried about stuff and asked Obama to stop the air strikes, but do Libya, the UN and the world a favor and step down. If you cared that much about the wellbeing of your country and its citizens, you wouldn't be a dictator.
Dear proponents of cheer and dance teams,
Sorry, but no matter how much athleticism it requires, anything that involves short skirts and makeup is still not a sport.