For our winter production (which is a bunch of student-written short plays rather than one long one), we have to audition with monologues. So you know where the problem is already. I can do fine practicing a song or lines by myself, but if I have to do it in front of anyone, forget it.
I was browsing around online for monologues to perform, to no avail. They're either too long or really boring. Or really raunchy, like this one that I found from Not Such Stuff, a play of a bunch of Shakespearean female characters basically ranting. The one I saw was Juliet's, and oh dear was it raunchy. Talk about the tradition of double-entendres. I could never do this, between the length of memorizing (600+ words) and the fact that I would not be able to keep a straight face through it.
Also, Cliff Lee did not go to the Yankees, thank goodness. He signed with the Phillies instead. Not an ideal choice, but better the Phillies than the Yankees.