Monday, March 22, 2010

i'm torn

Well, I got "the boot, part one." Hopefully there will not be a part two. But I got sent down to first session. Part of me is glad because this will put me with players that are closer to my level, and I'll look slightly less buffoonish with JV-ish players as opposed to upper JV and/or varsity players. The other part of me is pissed at myself for even trying to persuade myself that I had a fighting chance in second session. If I make the team, JV is where I will be. I probably won't even be starting, though that is my goal by the end of the season.
Assuming that someone with my (lack of) experience can play at the varsity level is just absurd. I mean, it's not like I'm dumb as a rock. I understand the concept of pretty much everything we do. I just can't do it. Especially in game-like situations. I can field (sometimes). I can throw. But when you put it all together, I choke. Mostly with infield, since I've had too many softballs to the face, throat, chest, shins, ankles, etc. I know that shouldn't stop me. But it does.

Oh well. To quote Jayne from Firefly, since I'm allowed to do that now that I've seen the first episode, "Saw that comin'."


fencer_22 said...

sorry Amanda, i was rooting for you to make it. i wish i could say something really smart that would restore your will to fight on. but i have bin down that road and it ain't paved, in fact it isnt even a road, its more like a path to the top of everest. look you need to be more self confident. beleive me that is half of doing anything impressive, the other half is a desire to achieve the goal and a willingness to work single minddedly toward it. you have the last two bits so all you need is the first.

mandachan said...

thanks, matt. you're a real sweetheart. the only problem is that i haven't been cut (yet). but i appreciate the kind words. :)