Thursday, November 13, 2008

and now for something completely different

and no, this post has nothing to do with monty python. sorry.
anyway, david/the EGE (same person, duh) was getting all pissy 'cause all i talk about is baseball (uh, hello?! divided loyalty!!!! it's s'posed to be about baseball!), so to please the royal pain, i promised i'd do a non-baseball related post.
but before i do that, i'll just give you the link to this, SO READ IT!!!! (once again, was anyone surprised?)

so, here goes. sorry for the hellaciously long post, i had to fit them all on here (a lot of them were on my sidebar, but the royal pain insisted that i take them off). i have more, but since this post isn't s'posed to have things related to a certain 8-letter word that begins with 'B', i didn't include them.

random quotes:

  • "Anything is possible... except perhaps skiing through a revolving door." (alex milan)
  • "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." (alex milan)
  • "Walking away from something is just taking the long way back to it." (me, randomly thinking)
  • “If one synchronized swimmer drowns do the rest have to drown too?" (Things to Ponder)
  • "If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?" (Things to Ponder)
  • "A man, his son, and a dog walk into a bar. 'Ow!' 'Ow!' 'Woof!'" (Comedy Central Random Joke)
  • "Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa." (Comedy Central Random Joke)
  • "A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one." (random quote from the tag on a teabag)
  • "When you fall -- I will pick you up, dust you off and try my best not to laugh at you." (rule #8 of true friendship, from this random email)

quotes from actual (as in famous) people:

  • "Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings." (George F. Will)
  • “Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.” (Erma Bombeck)
  • "The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed." (C.S. Lewis)
  • "Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself." (Peter da Silva)
  • "Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels." (Faith Whittlesey)
  • "One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us." (Kurt Vonnegut)
  • "People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them." (Anatole France)
  • "Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water." (W.C. Fields)
  • "I have lost friends, some by death... others through sheer inability to cross the street." (Virginia Woolf)
  • "I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell." (Harry S. Truman)
  • "He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed." (David Frost)
  • "Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes." (Mickey Mouse)
  • "'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." (Abraham Lincoln)
  • "If you have any doubts that we live in a society controlled by men, try reading down the index of contributors to a volume of quotations, looking for women's names." (Elaine Gill)
  • "Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." (Philip K. Dick)
  • "The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid." (Art Spander)
  • "Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money." (Joey Bishop)
  • "I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." (Robert McCloskey)
  • "Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face." (National Lampoon)
  • “There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.” (Oscar Wilde)
  • “We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong.” (Bill Vaughan)
  • “Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.” (Lester B. Pearson)
  • “I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?” (Jean Kerr)
  • “I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on.” (Beryl Pfizer)

yikes. that was a lot. (there, seƱor wussypants, ya happy? and because it's a hellaciously long post, no one will want to read it. thanks a lot. >:P)


Ellie said...

i'm disappointed the post wasn't about monty python cuz all of their stuff is really funny

mandachan said...

sorry. i love monty python, but i had all these quotes. and it's really killing me that i'm not allowed to mention the 8-letter 'b' word (although noticed how i snuck that link in :D)

The EGE said...


mandachan said...

real mature, dude.

humanbean said...

I enjoyed your list of quotes. I may in fact abduct them and say them tomorrow......I'm mildly with EGE though, I like them better than baseball (oops I said the b word).